Hello everyone,
Sorry for my absence – I have been trying to keep my head above water in dealing with all this. Trying to work, navigate legal issues, deal with my household, my elderly mother, an upcoming trip, etc…….. Needless to say, it has been a balancing act.
It was Tom’s wishes that I have a video memorial in his honor so that we all had a chance to say good-bye – I would like to do that when “he can join us”. Apparently, getting him cremated and getting his remains has not been an easy task. The legal paperwork I sent in giving me permission to make decision upon his death is currently being reviewed by their “legal department”. Once that is complete, they will contact me to make further arrangements. Who knew it would be so hard to get someone’s remains? I will keep you all posted.
I have a vacation scheduled to Florida at the end of this month. I really would like to have all this handled by the time I leave so that I may use my time away to “rejuvenate” my weary soul.
I am currently trying to deal with my mother as well. She is 85 and has some severe mobility issues. She should not live on her own anymore. I either need to put her house up for sale and find a suitable retirement home for her or find someone that can live with her and help care for her. She is not liking either option basically because she doesn’t want to part with any money. I am unable to live with her and provide her full-time care (for many, many, many reasons) -I know that seems strange since you all know me as a caregiver, but it just isn’t something that can be done right now. Needless to say, somedays it feels as if everything is happening at once.
Please know that my thoughts are with you all – I will keep you all posted.
Thank you for your patience,
Wendy
8 Responses to “Hi all”
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Hello, Wendy. Thanks for giving us an update; I’d been thinking about you. Good luck with the legalities. Guess not much we can do to help? Just be patient,maybe. I hope you can relax on your vacation. I def know what you mean re: Mom can’t live on her own anymore. Its difficult. Everyone take care,keep hope alive.
Hi Wendy,
The update is appreciated, and it is understood that while we can be available to care for, take care of, others, it can be emotionally very difficult to do so for family with whom there are emotional knots.
At this point, patience may be the best tool for dealing with the intricacies of receiving cremains. I assume he has already been cremated, yes?
Best to you.
Thanks so much for the update – it’s much appreciated.
Did your Mom possibly have Long Term Care (LTC) insurance? I know it’s really only gotten quite a bit of coverage in the past decade or so. But my Mom had it through a church insurance company – and it was a lifesaver for her.
She had the Home Care rider so after she fell and broke her hip she was still able to stay in her house for a couple of years. But there came a time (and fortunately she was the one who initiated it) when she realized she needed more help, and so we got her moved to an Assisted Living facility for the last 4 years of her life. (She was 101 y/o when she passed.)
For those folks in your 40s & 50s I would strongly encourage you to look into LTC insurance. It’s not cheap, but the cost of Assisted Living is about $50k/year.
Oh WWWendy, sending you prayes for strength and peace.. Yes, none of it is easy (even when it superficially is.) My Mom was 91 or 92 when she decided on her own to go into a nursing home and 93 when she dies, and I had my own lawyer, and there was no orher family to tell me I was doing everything wrong (I hope you aren’t experiencing that, but it does happen sometimes) And I just mentally relived all of it. That happened in a very small tow, so I didn’t have any difficulty getting the remains, but I case see that if the people you are dealing with don’t know you and didn’t know Ton, they would want to be caustion. I hope it wll works out without too much delay.
Thank you for keeping us in the loop. Please tell us if there is any way we can make it any easier. I don’t suppose us sending letters to the people with the remanins would accomplish anything (and I hope that won’t be needed) but you konw we are here and willing.
Wendy:
I’ve been thinking and praying for you, as you sound like you are very busy yourself.
Sorry that you must go through all the legal hoops and jumps too. That can be a very taxing job for you.
I hope that you can get this done by the time you are set to go on vacation too.
Take all the time you need, and know that I (we) care for you and for your future endeavors, and also, what you have done for TC. Plus, the ongoing care for your mother.
Prayers and hugs to you, Wendy. Take care.
Thank you so much for the update, dearest Wendy. Taking care of a family member’s estate is always a difficult and tedious job but it sounds like it is so much worse for you because of all the legalities that are thrown at you. Tom and you thought you had done all the right things and filled in the correct forms and yet the bureaucratic authorities aren’t satisfied. For your sake, I hope they release his remains soon.
Having to deal with all that on top of your personal problems you go through with finding a good living arrangement for your mother must be very hard. I think I know where you’re coming from when you say there are many reasons why you can’t be her carer. There comes an end to anybody’s caring capacity and some mother-and-daughter relationships reach that point even earlier.
Don’t let it get you down, Wendy. You have been doing a terrific job so far and we all thank you for it. Take care and make sure you go on that planned holiday in Florida. You more than deserve a rest and some enjoyment.
So many challenges at once can indeed be a strain. Thanks for the update Wendy. Every state’s laws are a bit different on handling of cremains and in CA it makes it easy to release to a burial site and hard for any intervening plans I found with my mother. She chose to move to an all levels of care senior facility when still fully capable of independent living, so had her own apt. there and opted to use their weekly cleaning service and was required to have one meal a day provided. When she needed help, she was resistant to either in-home or assisted living options (several episodes in her late eighties, nineties) although she had long term care insurance (had chosen to save on premiums and chose one with a maximum number of days covered so added worry of expenses when days used up). On the money concerns, wanting to leave a legacy is the piece of that area family members may be able to help minimize when the tough decisions are faced. For many, independence and control of living space, arrangements are foundational to quality of life. Mom did choose some time in assisted living when it was intended for recovery and rehabilitation to enable a return to her independent apt.
Good luck on all fronts.
Dear Wendy, Sorry I’m late posting. I seen JL’s comment today and must of missed the day it posted.
Thank you so very much for the update. Sorry to hear that you’re facing so many challenges all at once. I’m surprise to read of the issues you’re facing regarding Tom’s cremation. I will be praying that they make their decision soon, so you can take care of it before your vacation.
I do hope you can hopefully find someone who would be willing to live with your mother, since she doesn’t want to be put into a Senior Home.
Prayers be sent your way that things come together soon, so you can take the vacation you surely deserve.
Thanks again for the update. Do take care. Thanks Wendy