As we all know, Gov. DeSantis of Florida has decided to ban math books that might put him and the GQP in an unflattering light.
But conscientious, patriotic citizens have stepped up to help out by creating useful arithmetic problems and teaching aids. For example, try solving these problems in the new Florida math book:
[1] An orange man gets 74 million votes, but his opponent gets 81 million.
Show how 74 million is greater than 81 million.
[2] Orange man receives 11,780 votes less than his opponent. How many more votes need to be “found” after the election in order for the orange man to claim victory?
[NOTE: This is actually a trick question. The correct answer is ZERO. The orange man will claim he won anyway.]
Folks decided that Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL U-Really-18) could actually serve a useful teaching tool moment:
And Stephen Colbert (who authored the question) came up with the correct answer: “School Supplies”.
So what’s the real reason DeSantis is having Florida ban math books? He HATES seeing the “EQUAL” sign.
Sticking with DeSantis and Gaetz, the pedophile representative from Florida has changed his plans for one of the final rites-of-passage of High School students:
With Gaetz boycotting Disney, there’s now at least ONE safe place in Florida where teenage girls can go.
Before whiteboards, many of us can recall chalkboards or blackboards. Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) certainly is of that age – but apparently she must have suffered a terrible chalk incident in her childhood. Because when someone wrote a chalk message in front of her Bangor house, she actually called the cops on them!
i was already laughing then i saw the actual thing she called the cops about and lost it lmao https://t.co/neQWGYy5eR pic.twitter.com/4Y9JOGSPEq
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) May 10, 2022
But later, Collins decided to make lemonade out of lemons even though she was still recovering from her frightening Chalk foray. So during her recent photo-op visit to Ukraine she extended a thoughtful invitation to Pres. Zelensky:
“I’ve invited President Zelensky to visit the war-torn, chalked sidewalks of Maine, so he realizes it’s not just Ukraine.” – Susan Collins
— Hoodlum 🇺🇸 (@NotHoodlum) May 14, 2022
(No doubt she also took the time to tell Zelensky that she is “sure” that Putin “has learned his lesson”.)
But Collins is not entirely done waging her battle against the vicious chalking her sidewalk received. She’s talking about removing those easily available terrorist kits from the store shelves that we so often see right before the start of the school year …
Truth be told, Susan’s real goal is to ban all those high-capacity chalk magazines that us oldster remember from music class in grade school:
She’s discussed this issue with her staff and noted that whenever and wherever they appear, there’s always discord and treble ahead. She wants everyone to keep a sharp eye out for them.
Why, she even has thought about throwing them in jail because she really feels they should be under a rest.
I hope this wasn’t too upsetting, because I want to leave everyone in harmony. Don’t worry – I’ll be Bach.
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