Politics Plus

Dateline – April 1, 2016

Johnson Space Center

April Holliday Newswire

 

NASA engineers at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, TX are stunned and livid after learning that Republicans in the Texas state legislature yesterday passed, against unanimous Democratic opposition, a law that redefines the value of pi (π), a mathematical constant used extensively in the aerospace industry, as well as many other industries and educational centers.

The bill changes the value of pi from its widely accepted and commonly used value of 3.14159 to what its supporters contend is its true “Biblical” value of exactly three (3.00000).  It was introduced without fanfare by a staunch Ted Cruz supporter, Sen. Iza Lou Zerr (R-Denton). 

A letter campaign and an online-petition sponsored by the evangelical fundamentalist group “Let’s Get Back to the Bible” proved to be the difference in the bill’s rapid gain of right-wing support.  The group’s Chairperson (who is also affiliated with a well-known White Supremacist organization) Rachel N. Tolerence, voiced her delight.  “We need more laws that recognize the Bible as our sole source for guidance in all things – and that include math!”

Republican Governor, Greg Abbott, reported he will gladly sign it into law on Friday, April 1, 2016, saying, “We all should always believe that what’s in the Bible is the Gospel truth.  After all, this isn’t rocket science, you know.  So pi will now be its true Biblical value of 3.00000 – at least here in Texas”

According to Johnson Space Center’s Math Division Chair, Adam Upp, pi is a Greek letter derived from Euclidean geometry that signifies the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter and is frequently used by engineers to project rocket trajectories as well as many other calculations.

In utter shock, U. of Texas Electrical Engineering Professor, Alec Tricity, added that pi is a universal constant, and cannot arbitrarily be changed by lawmakers on a whim.

When informed of the legally mandated change in pi to a “Biblical” value of 3.0000, University of Texas Physics Professor Shirley U. Geste exclaimed, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Prof. Geste further explained that pi is an irrational number, which means that it has an infinite number of digits after the decimal point and can never be known exactly – and could never be rounded off to the even number of 3.0000.  

Rep. Joe Kur (R-Plano) countered with "I think that it is the mathematicians that are being irrational.  The Bible very clearly says in I Kings 7:23 that the altar font of Solomon's Temple was ten cubits in diameter and thirty cubits in circumference, and that it was round in compass.  And that’s how one gets the true Biblical 3.0000 value for pi.  It’s straight from scriptures!"

The law took the state's professionally trained scientific, mathematical and engineering communities by total surprise.  “There was absolutely no warning at all this was about to happen,” Oliver Suddin, Chief Aerospace Engineer at the Johnson Space Center said.

Sen. Howard I. Nowe (R-Arlington), a co-sponsor of the bill, called into question the usefulness of any number that cannot be calculated exactly, and suggested that never knowing the precise value would harm students' self-esteem.  "We need to return to some absolute values based on the Bible in our society," he said.  “The Bible does not say that the font was ‘thirty-something’ cubits.  It clearly says thirty cubits.  Period.  End.  Full stop!"

Professionals from the education community are concerned that the legislation will adversely affect the way math is taught to children in Texas, a leading force in dictating how school books are written.

But one member of the Texas State School Board who is a strong supporter of home schooling based on “Christian values”, Lois Dee Nominator, is anxious to get the new value of pi into Texas’ math textbooks.

She would, however, consider a compromise allowing the non-Biblical value of 3.14159 based on actual math and scientific principles be retained as an alternative saying, "As far as I am concerned, the value of pi is only a theory, and we should be open to all interpretations."  She looks forward to students having the freedom to decide for themselves what value pi should have.

Many experts are warning that this is just the beginning of a national battle over the value of pi between faith-based supporters and professionals in the education and scientific communities.  “Let’s Get Back to the Bible” member Malcolm Tent agrees: "We’re ready to do battle.  We just want to return pi to its true and Biblical value," he said.  "And this, according to scriptures, is just plain old three – 3.00000.  Can I hear an Amen on that?"

 

NOTE: Thanks to physicist Mark Boslough for his classic April Fool’s Day Hoax back in 1998, which can be read in its original format using Alabama as its foil HERE.

[NOTE: Sorry – it's a particularly long one]

This year marks the Washington Post’s Tenth Anniversary of its “Peeps Diorama Contest” – which always occurs the week before Easter.  So let’s take a delightful trip down memory lane, while learning some new Friday Fun Facts.

When I started doing my background research for “Friday Fun” I decided that learning about Peeps was actually more interesting.  We’ll get to the contest, but the first question that needed answering was which came first – the Marshmallow or the Peeps?

Or how do we get from here …

  – to –

Going back to the very beginning, it all started in 1953 when Sam Born bought the Rodda Candy Company in Lancaster, PA. 

Mr. Born was born and raised in Russia, but moved to America in 1910.  He settled in New York City where he made handcrafted chocolate confections and founded his candy company, Just Born.

Born was an inventive soul who was actually awarded by San Francisco the “Key to the City” for his invention of the process to insert sticks into lollipops.

He bought the Rodda Candy Company primarily for their jelly beans – but serendipitously learned that they made a marshmallowy treat once a year they called a Peep.  It was made only at Easter time because it took them TWENTY-SEVEN HOURS, from start-to-finish, to handcraft just ONE Peep using a pastry tube.

Apparently his son, Bob, inherited Sam’s inventive gene because Bob Born created “The Depositor” which formed the Peeps and so was able to cut the TWENTY-SEVEN HOURS down to just SIX MINUTES!

So let’s take a Step-by-Step tour of how those little Peeps are “Born”.

Step One: Mixing and Whipping

It begins when the ingredients – sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, vanilla (or other flavorings), coloring and potassium sorbate (a preservative) – are whipped into a marshmallowy goo.  There’s also a soupçon of carnauba wax – but more on that in a bit.

Step Two: Coloring the Sugar Coating

In a giant culinary “cement mixer”, food coloring is sprayed by that little arm outside the barrel on to the sugar inside, and thoroughly mixed to a uniform color.

Step Three: Sugar Loaded on to Conveyor Belt

Sugar is loaded into a spreader (the gray piece in the background) by hand, and the spreader distributes the colored sugar across the conveyor belt.

Step Four: Peeps Are Made by “The Depositor”

No photos are allowed of the machinery that actually pumps the marshmallow into the various shapes. That's Bob’s Top Secret – but it has not changed much since the 1950’s.  (Although there was a recent redesign in the past year or so that will expand their creative abilities.)

Step Five: Peeps Coated with Sugar in a Wind Tunnel

Freshly made Peeps, while warm, travel along the sugar-covered conveyor belt (backwards!) into a wind tunnel.  Here air is blown in to whip the sugar around so that it sticks evenly to every … AND

Step Six: Recycling the Sugar

The sugar-coated candy Peeps slide off a solid conveyor belt on to a grated one that lets extra sugar fall through so it can be recycled.

Step Seven: The “Eyes are Dotted”

This machine dots the Peeps with those tiny creepy peepers, which are actually tiny dots of carnauba wax.  

Carnauba wax is a non-toxic edible wax that’s also found in some shoe polishes, car waxes and many other candies.  And that “Eye Dotter” machine can pump out 3,800 eyes per minute.

Step Eight: Peeps Get Packaged

The last part of their conveyor-belt ride takes the Peeps through a refrigerated area so they can firm up enough to easily fall off the conveyor belt and into boxes. Peep Chicks come five to a box, while bunnies are four per box.

FUN FACTS ABOUT PEEPS

• Just Born produces almost TWO BILLION Peeps every year, an average of over 5.5 million Peeps each day.
• That’s enough Peeps produced in one year to circle the earth twice.
• In the late 1950’s PEEPS wings were “clipped” to give them a sleek, modern look.

• PEEPS have been the #1 non-chocolate choice of Easter candy for over two decades
• Yellow and white PEEPS chicks and bunnies came first, followed by pink, lavender, blue, green and orange
• PEEPS are available year-round, and come in a variety of shapes celebrating different Holidays:

• Easter = Bunnies, Eggs &Tulips
• Halloween = Pumpkins & Ghosts
• Christmas = Trees, Snowman, Reindeers, Snowflakes & Stockings
• Valentines = Hearts, Teddy Bears & "I LOVE YOU"

• There have been numerous new variations:

• Chocolate covered PEEPS came out in 2010
• Cake-flavored Peeps hit the market in 2014
• They even come in a Milk form and as Lip Gloss
• And they now come in multiple flavors, including strawberry, raspberry, blueberry, sweet lemonade, candy cane, and orange crème

• If you stood 8,000 Peeps bunnies nose-to-tail, they would reach the top of the Willis (Sears) Tower in Chicago.
• In 1999, a pair of scientists at Emory University decided to see if the Urban Legend that Peeps are truly indestructible.  So they subjected them to a microwave, boiling water, acetone, and diluted sulfuric acid and sodium hydroxide.  The Peeps survived them all!  But when they upped the ante with some Phenol, the only things that didn’t disappear were the carnauba wax eyes – they remained!

• On New Year’s Eve, Bethlehem, PA (where Just Born moved to) drops a giant PEEP, that changes through all the Peep colors during its descent, at midnight.

• And amazingly enough, Peeps are NOT Just Born’s top seller!  That title belongs to “Mike & Ike” (which I’ve never even heard of)!

 

No, I didn’t forget about the inspiration for the Peep background – Washington Post’s Peeps Diorama Contest celebrating its Tenth Anniversary!

About the only rules are all the characters must be some type of Peep; it can’t be larger than 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep by 2 feet tall; and it must be able to be carried by one person. 

The 2016 Grand Prize Winner (which is selected by the WaPo staff) will receive a $500 American Express gift card.  Four runner-up winners will receive a $100 American Express gift card.  

There will be a Contest between the previous winners and this year’s in a Tournament of Peeps Champions.  That person will receive a $200 American Express gift card.

So let’s get to the 2016 Grand Winner – but hold on to your hats, and get your Barf Bags out, because this year’s winner – in a LANDSLIDE, garnering more votes than the other 1,000+ entries combined – is none other than Herr Drumpf:

 

T]his satirical take on the Republican candidate’s brain — seen as a command center like the one in the 2015 Pixar film “Inside Out” — was a yuuuge winner, garnering more votes than all the other entries combined.  It depicts a moment during the Aug. 6 Fox News Republican debate, as Trump is looking at moderator and nemesis Megyn Kelly.

Between the characters Fear and Disgust, an Anger Peep is poised to press a large red button, while Joy and Sadness are corralled behind a fence. Portraits of former wives Marla Maples and Ivana Trump adorn the interior, which has been trimmed in marble and gold.

Eldridge sculpted and painted the head, which was topped with blond hair extensions. “Leslie spent 12 hours staring at pictures of Trump,” Baker says. “She gave up her time and her sanity.”

But let’s visit the winner for each year leading up to the Tenth Anniversary:

2007: Peeps are a Girl’s Best Friend |

2008: The Tomb of King Peepankhamun

2009: NightPeeps

2010: EEP [Up]

2011: Chilean Mine Rescue

2012: OccuPeep D.C.

2013: Peeps Mourn Their Peeps: Twinkie, Rest in Peeps

2014: I Have a Dream: Martin Luther King Jr. Addresses the Peeple

[NOTE: So far, this is the leading contender for the “Tournament of Peeps Champions”

2015: Hidden Peeps

[NOTE: To appreciate this one, visit its 360-degree site because the Peeps are actually cleverly hidden]

RESOURCES:

There were really too many to try and do ALL hyperlinks, so I’ll put the most useful ones here:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/peeps/

Peeps! In 180-degree glory

http://www.justborn.com/get-to-know-us/our-history

http://mentalfloss.com/article/56283/20-delicious-facts-about-peeps

http://mashable.com/2015/03/31/how-peeps-are-made/#IFSh9ABWDZqE

[NOTE: Above uses LOTS of Flash, so slow to open]

http://wnep.com/2014/04/18/16-facts-about-peeps/

 

Happy Peepster!

While I was getting ready for my breakfast …

I checked my watch …

And realized this is a very special day for someone – so Happy Birthday!

But don’t bother checking your mail today for cards … it’s SUNDAY!

But you can sit back, relax and enjoy a nice cup of coffee …

And know that the Puddy Tats of the world join in wishing you a “Happy B-Day!”

Just read our morning paper, and for the $100,000 Grand Prize I’m planning on saving TONS of daylight.  But my good friend, Earl E, Byrd, told me not to jump the gun and be sure to wait until Sunday, or like our mutual friend, Ruddy Daye, warned, “You’ll live to regret it.”  But I checked, and my lawyer, Kermit A. Kryme (of the law firm, Dewey, Cheatum & Howe) assured me I’m not violating any rules … yet.  So here’s the article that got me buzzed:

[Editor’s Note: Sorry, but I can’t make it any larger, so you may have to increase your screen size to make it legible.  Thanks.]

I’m in it to win it!  And I think I actually have a chance, unlike the paper’s annual St. Patrick’s Day “Irish Pub Singing Contest” – which is ALWAYS won by Kerry O’Kee.

So “Happy Springing Forward!”