Feb 102017
 

Being of Scandinavian stock, I take much pride (with tongue firmly planted in cheek) that Ikea is stepping up to help Popular-Vote-Loser Trump to “Build That Wall”.

From someone who has put together my fair-share of Ikea’s flat-pack furniture following their rage-inducing instruction manuals (“child’s play” my foot), this project is promised to be easy-peasy.

Press Secretary, Sean “Alternative Facts – PERIOD!” Spicer, has announced that Twitler is seriously studying the Ikea proposal for the “Börder Wåll”

So let’s take a look at how Ikea envisions its “Börder Wåll”.

Beautiful, isn’t it?  (You gotta love the little guy’s sombrero)  But one of its main pluses is that it’s going to be a LOT cheaper than the estimates of building the wall put forth by Trump ($12 BILLION), Ryan/McConnell ($15 BILLION) and the recently announced estimate of $21.6 BILLION – AND take 3.5 years to complete – by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.

Ikea is pricing this gem at a mere $9,999,999,999.99.  And it can conveniently be picked up in their iconic flat-pack (well, a rather YUUUGE one – or maybe several) at your nearest Ikea store. 

There is some assembly required, but it comes with their familiar instruction manual.  And it only takes two people to put it together!  (Okay, so that’s NOT going to help with his promised expansion of the labor force.  Oh, well – you can’t have everything.)

And Ikea promises its “12,000-page instruction manual with easy-to-understand pictures makes construction child’s play.”  To illustrate how easy it is to put Ikea products together, a brief video (and I think we’ve found the ideal pair to get “That Wall” built):

As always, first check to be sure that your package contains all the parts necessary for construction.  Inside your “Börder Wåll” box you should find:

• 471,612 wall panels

• 754,579 cotter pins

• 313,329 yards of concertina wire

• 1,886,448 short screws

• 3,772,896 long screws

• 1 two-sided hex key (Just one?  This item sounds troublingly easy to misplace)

But in the end we’ll have our promised beautiful wall of pressboard with birch veneer standing 33ft (10 m) tall and extending 1,954 miles (3,144 km) along our border with Mexico.  (The height and length can be extended as desired with additional units.)  Plus it has the usual Ikea 5-year warranty!

And fortunately Ikea has announced that it’s already working on related, complimentary products that will compatible with the “Börder Wåll” – such as the “Gåwk” watchtower and the “Råtåtåtåtåtå” spring-gun.

How about enjoying a flying overview of that border?  It’s a video from 200,000 Google satellite photos stitched together to give you an idea how absolutely absurd Twitler’s idea actually is.

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Ikea “Börder Wåll”

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  7 Responses to “Friday Fun – Ikea Helps Trump “Build That Wall””

    • I've assembled furniture many times, but never from Ikea, and never on acid.  I was surprised how well it came out, especially since I thought he was nailing one of the pieces to the floor.  I've also never seen that much water in the Rio Grande – although when I've seen it, I've always been a lot farther north.  Fascinating.  But dumb (the wall, not your column, which is delightful.)

  1. The thought of Fuhrer Drumpfenfarten on acid boggles the mind.

    Like JD, I've never assembled furniture from IKEA, but most I have assembled required a Masters degree in Engineering, whatever tool I didn't have, one or more parts than what came with it and the ability to read foreign language instructions.

    Thanks!  Great Job!!

  2. Video 1: omg…this is hilarious!!!  Personally, I wouldn't recommend doing this job on acid, either. Anything, actually.  lol.

    "I want to go outside and play!" Loved this one!

    Video 2: How fascinating!  Some of the land here (TX), is pretty barren, and desolate too.

    Thank you, Nameless for post, and Joanne for cross posting. (I'm still laughing…)

  3. In Europe Germans are often considered to have little or no sense of humor, but American politics – and especially Drumpf's presidency – has rapidly changed that. This idea of an Ikea flat pack Börder Wåll to put on America's border with Mexico at just under $10 Billion and available in an Ikea store near you is just so funny! But they forgot to mention the best part of this wåll: you can take it apart again to take it with you if you move or have outgrown it, to rebuild it on Canada's border for example. If that border is a bit longer, just get a few additional flat packs from the nearest Ikea shop, no worries. 

    We're quite adept at putting flat packs together, because when my husband (then boyfriend) and I moved in together in the mid seventies our furniture was either family hand-me-downs or new-bought from Ikea including all hardware in the kitchen cupboards, and quite a bit survived several moves. We went full cycle nearly 40 years later when we needed to set up house in Oz from scratch and bought it almost all from… One thing we never tried in all these years is putting it together on Acid. We'll pass on that one.

    Thanks for some enjoyable Friday fun, Nameless.

  4. Watching the Vimeo was a bit like being on acid, I assume.  Can Trumpenfuken handle a hammer?

     

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