Aug 312015
 

I just returned from the Urologist’s office.  Everything was routine.  The Lift bus was much more efficient than usual.  Now, I want you to know that I REALLY struggled to resist the temptation.  However…

TCPee

Jig Zone Puzzle:

Today’s took me 2:44 (average 5:45).  To do it, click here.  How did you do?

Short Take:

From Daily Kos: Daily Kos readers are awesome and send awesome emails:

I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.

I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.  Also.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life.  I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

  • Social Security
  • Medicare/Medicaid
  • State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
  • Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
  • US Postal Service
  • Roads and Highways
  • Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
  • The US Railway System
  • Public Subways and Metro Systems
  • Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
  • Rest Areas on Highways
  • Sidewalks
  • All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)
  • Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
  • Public and State Universities and Colleges
  • Public Primary and Secondary Schools
  • Sesame Street
  • Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
  • Public Museums
  • Libraries
  • Public Parks and Beaches
  • State and National Parks
  • Public Zoos
  • Unemployment Insurance
  • Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
  • Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
  • Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
  • Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
  • Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD’s ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
  • Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
  • Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies

If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care

I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to: 

  • Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
  • The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
  • The government-operated Statue of Liberty
  • The Grand Canyon
  • The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
  • The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
  • All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.

I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America. 

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army. 

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees. 

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks. 

Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.

SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.

_____________   _________________________

Signed       Printed Name/Town and State

Perfect for viral email, my friends. You know what to do.

This was just too god not to share!

Cartoon:

0831Cartoon

We can start with the name that fits them all: Hurricane Asshole!

Share

  42 Responses to “Personal Update–8/31/2015”

  1. That cartoon is worth repeating.  Glad the logistics went smooth on this appt.

    That is worth circulating TC…

  2. 6:47 (5:45)  He glides too fast for me.

    DKos – Yes indeed, that is a good one.  If only Americans knew what socialism actually means and could stop thinking of it as being some kind of Jabberwock.

    Cartoon – I love your premise – alas, they all have to start out as tropical storms and most never make it to hurricane status.  I would hate to waste a perfectly good name like asshole by giving it away to the first foozler.  If we just named them A through Z, and didn't put a person's name on them until they reached hurricane status, this might work.  But I don't think metorologists would like it.  It's a communications thingy.

     

    • http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/socialism

      socialism

       

      noun so·cial·ism \ˈsō-shə-ˌli-zəm\

      : a way of organizing a society in which major industries are owned and controlled by the government rather than by individual people and companies

      Full Definition of SOCIALISM

      1

      :  any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods

      2

      a :  a system of society or group living in which there is no private property

       
      b :  a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state

      3

      :  a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done

    • I agree with you on the names of huricanes, Joanne. Imagen a Democratic weatherman having to anounce Tec Cruz of strength 4 coming towards the coast again and again, having to use a barf bag each time. So embaressing. And you can forget about any news updates from Faux News after Ted Cruz has passed and destroyed a whole town and killed dozens of course.

    • With just a ketter huw is one to know if it's a herricane or a himmicane? angel

  3. No doubt most everyone has seen Lil' Scotty Walker's idea to build a northern counterpart to Donald Trump's southern Taj MaWall to keep out the Canucks.  But it is clearly too late – Rafael Cruz has already crossed the border!

    But rarely do you see such quality snark as below on this matter – just TOO GOOD not to share.  And I look forward to all the Canucks' Comments on this issue!

    Go ahead and laugh, but I'm from Detroit. Every day, we face off with thousands of Canuckians sneaking through the tunnels, paddling their little birchbark canoes across the Detroit River, and lunging over the Ambassador (hah!) Bridge to bring their snarky "politeness," their "Loonie" coins and their phony excuse for a language (Yeah, like you REALLY spell it "colour" or have to say "Eh!" to everything? If we don't stop this, pretty soon "Americans" are going to be nice to everyone, dress well, and like hockey (with it's gentleness and toothless players) instead of WWE. I mean, if we HAD a wall, Ted Cruz would still be drinking Cubanos in Manitoba! Walker knows these things, since he once visited Cornucopia, WI (look it up, liberal stooges of Maple Leaf socialism!) and he could see Canada from there! Walker's now my man (unless rumors are true that he's a preoperative transsexual, in which case, "He's my whatever he is!" )

    • LOL…and in other news

      "Ted Cruz today reacted to John Boehner calling him a “jackass” at a Colorado fundraiser.

       A Daily Caller report said individuals at the fundraiser heard the Speaker joking that he’s glad that Cruz’s campaign is keeping “that jackass” out of Washington and away from lecturing him about how to do his job.

      ADVERTISEMENT

       

      Scott Walker  defended Cruz a few days ago and said it’s unhelpful and uncalled for, but on Hugh Hewitt‘s radio show tonight, Cruz took the high road.

      He refused to get down in the gutter and engage in “ad hominem attacks” like Boehner’s “profanity-laden assault” when people are sick and tired of politicians “bickering like schoolyard children.”

      http://www.mediaite.com/online/cruz-reacts-to-john-boehner-calling-him-a-jackass/

    • Very funny!  Thanks, I needed a laugh tonight.

    • You know, a wall could work for we Canucks too!  Just think, the supply of illegal guns might just dry up! And you'd have to deal with your draft dodgers and military members who flee the illegal wars your neocons dream up.  And those prison escapees that linger along our border for 3 weeks, no more!  Did I mention that a wall expensed to the US tax payers might be useful to us . . . in case of a border skirmish, we could use the elevation to lob frozen hockey pucks across the border!  I was a hockey goalie and those damn things hurt when you get hit without any padding!  Maybe too, a wall would keep your Republicanus/Teabaggerum from transmitting their pathetic and deadly bullshit to our politicians and people!  The Great White North strong and free wearing hockey pads and toques!

      Canuckians — Yeah, right!  Is this the penalty for calling Americans "Yanks"?

      little birchbark canoes — Hey, those are big war canoes and we know how to shoot rapids (and shoot frozen hockey pucks), and carry the canoe on the long portage.

      snarky — Who's snarky?  We're not the ones that piss off at least half the globe's people.

      phony excuse for a language (Yeah, like you REALLY spell it "colour" or have to say "Eh!" — Eh?

      Ted Cruz would still be drinking Cubanos in Manitoba! — No!  That would be in Alberta!  Better study up on your geography!

      Maple Leaf socialism! — Yup, and damn proud of it!  Medical bills don't put us into bankruptcy!

      Walker … once visited Cornucopia, WI … and he could see Canada from there! — So what!  Sarah Palin can see Russia from her front porch!

       

       

      • Maybe the biggest bonus for Canucks:

        WE would be stuck w/ Lil' Scotty Walker on OUR side of the fence!

        (Maybe we could trade him to you for something that YOU guys want to get rid of)

        • No way Nameless!  Nothing we have, including Herr Harper, is bad enough to out shine the weasel Lil' Scotty Walker!  (Apologies to the Federation of Furry Weasels!)  You birthed him, you raised him, you watched him as he was nursed on the teat of Koch, you gave him a soap box to stand on and then you let him loose!  He's all yours!

          Nice try!

    • Thanks, INeedAName, for a great start of my day. LOL

    • Dang!  This cat is too smart to get in the middle of this one!!

  4. Glad things went well for you today, love the Kitty, I have seen this in my bathroom more than once.

    Daily Kos:  LOve this one, and of course, am sharing it with my RED friends.

    Cartoon:  Execellent idea!

    UPdate on Cousin Phillip"  Please keep him in your prayers. If all goes well, he will leave ICU tomorrow, after nearly six weeks, to go to cardiac rehab.  He will likely lose several of his fingers and toes, due to the three days he spent with his chest open and living on an artifical heart.  He has a long road ahead to recovery, but the important part is that he will survive. Thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts.

    • Thanks for the progress report–that is a very important recovery milestone.  Perhaps he'll benefit from 3D printing technology fingers down the road.  Will keep praying.

      • The hand surgeon has all ready found prosthetic fingers, and promises Phillip that he will be able to play golf again, his favorite thing.  We are hopeful. 

    • Excellent, and I am keeping him in my prayers.  Have the care providers agreed to assume full responsibility?

      • Yes, TC, his wife is going to be the caregiver and she will do anything it takes for him.  They adore each other.  Thanks for the prayers.  He was put in what the call a "step down" room today, still ICU, but not as stringent.  Becky will be able to stay in the room with him all day.

    • Prayers here too.  Great question, TC.  Hope the answer is yes.

    • Glad to hear about Cousin Phillip! Sounds like he will be out and about when he gets out of ICU. Congrats to you and your cousin!

  5. 3:17  Oh, forsooth, I have denied this pelican a reprieve!  Patty and/or Jerry, if you don't move fast, the pelican will be fricassée at the claws of Puddy Tat!

  6. Enough of that 'What? Me?' look!  You're guilty!  Now clean it up Puddy Tat!

    Puzzle — 3:17  Oh, forsooth, I have denied this pelican a reprieve!  Patty and/or Jerry, if you don't move fast, the pelican will be fricassée at the claws of Puddy Tat!

    Daily Kos — To too many Americans, socialism = communism, which is totally false.  I get a real kick out of the jackasses that refer to Obama as a 'socialist, communist'.  Will these people never learn?  Joe McCarthy really did a number on the American people such that his efforts seem to have become genes, being passed down from one generation to the next.

    Great e-mail!  I wonder though, how many will truly understand it?

    Cartoon — "We can start with the name that fits them all: Hurricane Asshole!" — So that is what that indentation is in the centre of the clouds!

    • I was teaching ESL this afternoon.  All 6 of my friend's kids were home playing inside because of the rain. They were all upstairs doing various things when suddenly, the youngest, Simon, started bellowing at the top of his lungs.  He came downstairs covered in paint!  Mum is painting her room and the hallway.  She left the paint rollers in plastic bags in her room and had shut the door.  One of the other kids opened the door and Simon went in.  At 15 months old, everything goes in his mouth and the roller seemed like something good, He had paint on his tongue, all over his face, hair, his hands and one leg.  What a mess.  Trying to get the paint out of his mouth while he is screaming and squirming was hard, but we got it.  It was funny to see this dark skinned little monkey with light beige paint all over himself, but only after the situation was dealt with.  I've never seen that happen before but I'm sure it has.  Thank goodness it was a washable latex paint and he didn't actually drink any paint.

  7. It's always good to hear that doctor visits turned out to be routine, TomCat; nothing worrying found then. And your desire to take it all out on the roll of toilet paper hasn't diminished either, I see. Better the roll than the doctor, so good on ya.

    Daily Kos: Absolutely brilliant. Daily Kos will be getting updates on the lists of goods and services, locations and other benefits for days to come. The writer of this e-mail couldn't have done Bernie a bigger favor 😉

    Cartoon: Since most of the hurricanes look like this one at some point in their existence, I suggest all those of above strength 4 are named after a Republican and have "asshole" in front of the name if they reach 5. Those of 5 (or more, which we'll need to go to soon with the extremes we're seeing) they need to make sure the Republicans are extra fervent Climate Change deniers.

  8. Daily Kos: Love this – "The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge"

    So many people in USA do not really understand that our country is already Socialistic! Copied various versions of types, fonts and downloaded the .pdf version for later usage at the appropriate time. Maybe I'll use and send it all out when the "BERN"  visits the Bay Area. Ha!

    Cartoon: Prefer that the hurricanes were not named after any GOP/TP/Koch Party people. Who wants to be reminded of them. They are so "Ugh"… lol.

  9. Thanks all.  Totally pooped hugs!

  10. So glad to hear that your appt went well and the bus ride home wasn't hot and sticky. I see the weather is cooking off up that way. I've been watching the weather more ooften up your way since there has been so many fires up there. 

    Daily Kos was so spot on!! I wish that the red part of the country would open up a dictionary once in a while to see what the real definition of the words they spew all over the place BEFORE they have uttered a word! I would love to see them try to choke that one down!!!

    • I kinda like the fact that they are the reds now (a label used by McCarthy for communists in the 1950's)

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